How To: Make a glorifed goldfish a viral sensation
Recently the following story got some traction online:
Basically, the general gist is that this man caught the first of what can only be assumed is a new race of mega goldfish. And, considering how most goldfish live and the glorious, flushing send off we give them, it’s safe to assume this one is going to take his first contact with man, mock us for releasing him, and head back to organize the coming, brightly colored invasion. Or maybe not.
First off, the article likens the reported weight of the fish at 30 lbs to “the same as an average three-year-old girl.” Not to be cocky, but I’m pretty sure I could take on somewhere between one and three dozen three year old girls before becoming overwhelmed. There just can’t be that many of these guys out there to pose a threat. The numbers are in our favor (assuming the world isn’t hollow and full of giant goldfish).
Second, a couple, more thoroughly reported articles, like Yahoo News of all places, mention that the largest koi on record (this fish is a large koi, not a goldfish for the record) was 90 lbs. So “one of the largest ever captures” as claimed is quite a stretch. I mean, the largest one was only 300% bigger than this one… so that’s pretty close.
Third, fishermen exaggerate. Whoa, I know, I just blew your mind. But quickly, notice the guys stance and his fingers.
I’m assuming our Scott Stapp look alike here doesn’t have the hands of Andre the Giant. He’s crouched down, holding out the fish a couple feet in front of him toward the camera. The perspectives are off. Making some quick estimates based on the fact that the last section of a guys middle finger is about an inch long:
That puts the fish at about 12 inches tall and 34 inches long. If you ignore the tail section behind the guy’s right hand (the hand on the left in the picture), the body of the fish is about 26 inches long. So this massive fish is about the size of a cat. Is a cat 30 lbs? Is this guy probably weaker than he thinks he is?
Basically, the fish is pretty big, it’s cool looking (koi rule), and I wouldn’t mind being out on a lake right now. And with a healthy understanding of how to hold a fish when having your picture taken, this guy gets a brief burst of attention.